Sunday, January 24, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
There is a lady at work today who is probably about 55 ish and quite perky. She is the one who makes announcements to the staff lounge in general, no one person in particular, like "I bet I know what we are all thinking! Isn't it GREAT to have a job?" No. Call me ungrateful, but being that it is 7 a.m. on one of the ugliest days of the year, I am not thinking that. I am thinking many things and that is definitely not one of them.
Anyhow-She is in a Metallic. Purple. Snow. Suit. It is a one piece, very form fitting, with a shiny gold belt clip, and a zipper up the front. There are boots that go along with it. I think she may have owned this for quite some time, maybe since her 8th birthday.
Oh- and she has one of those fuzzy beanies on with ALL of her hair tucked up into it.
Yeah- it's pretty much the most awesome thing ever. I wish I had more nerve and was quicker with my cell phone camera but I couldn't even make eye contact.
*Update- I have received a second witness from a fellow coworker and the beanie has been described as, "...more of a furry turban." I like that better.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Lest you think I am the crazy lady who is unaware that my dog is in fact an animal, regularly licks his own junk and is completely capable of surviving outdoors, I'm not. Well- not usually. I really just didn't feel like dealing with a wet dog after work. He's got long hair, shaddup!
Anyhow- Freddy spends most days bouncing between the backyard and the garage, so I rarely have that sinking feeling that most indoor pet owners feel when they realize that mischief and mayhem have taken place in their absence. I got a hearty helping today. Immediately after walking in the door, I came across some very suspicious activity.
It was hard to tell what was touched, because clearly everything was touched.
I guess he felt like the toys at the bottom of the basket had been neglected for far too long and made it his personal mission to right that unspeakable wrong.
So naturally, I am left wondering a few things...
*M.D. (mad dog)Is that look of shame when caught eating somehow able to be passed between human and pet?Does he know I skipped out on ward temple night?In spite of his clear lineage, would Frederic von Schnauzer M.D.* have a German accent or British?
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Instead of the usual summer trip to some far off land where nothing much happens but riding elephants, running from primates and snapping ill-advised photo's in swimsuits, I have decided to set my sights on a trip that serves a much grander purpose. Yeah- that's right. Africa. So yes, this summer may involve riding elephants, running from primates, and certainly, many ill-advised pictures. This time it will be done whilst building a school and helping to train teachers in Kenya! By no means would I classify my level of excitement as, just a little. Unbelievably, insanely, incredibly would all be better choices.
(Photo courtesy of mongabay.com)
The only thing is, and that is where you come in, that I have to raise $3,750 for my portion of the trip and supplies for building the school. As you may have noticed I attached a super easy and convenient PayPal link for you to donate as much, or as little, as you can. (Isn't that nice of me!) Everything is tax deductible, so when you make a donation you will get a happy little note from the folks at World of Difference that tells the mean old tax man to get off your back! You did good things with your money!
*Rest assured, you can count on two things. 1) Further and unabashed begging. 2) A full, detailed account of the schenanigans upon my triumphant return. That alone should be enough to convince you to cough up some cash for Kenya....just to see how this train wreck turns out.
**If this doesn't work, I may resort to whoring myself out. Don't make me do it....it won't be good for anyone.
(You can donate to the general fund at worldofdifferenceonline.org but that doesn't go toward my portion. So do it here first, because you love me, and then with all those extra Benjamin's you have floating around, go ahead and donate there, if you feel so inclined! And if you are anti-PayPal or in some crazy place like Canada or Kathmandu, you can send a check to World of Difference 498 East 10,000 South Salem, UT 84653 Just make sure to put my name in the memo!)
That is all.....thankyouverymuch
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Asus Waveface Ultra Smartphone Bracelet
Asus demoed a collection of futuristic gadgetry at CES, including the Waveface Ultra smartphone, a flexible bracelet that wraps around your wrist.
It makes calls (naturally), accesses the Web, and even flattens into a tablet. (Take that, Apple.) Of course, this Dick Tracy-esque gizmo is strictly conceptual, and there's no word on whether it'll someday find its way to market.
Would a smartphone bracelet look good on you?(courtesy of msnbc.com)
All I have to say about that? Heck yes a smartphone bracelet would look good on me, as long as they make it in colors that would match my Wonderwoman suit.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
And in case my posts of late have yet to convince you that I am indeed the chubby, snarky, stuck in a rut high school teacher and spinster aunt, in need of a change, that you thought I was, let me offer you another example. Crap I Totally Need. As much as it displeases me to admit it, my Great Buns Jeans have become my, Holy Moly Muffin Top Jeans. My Fat Jeans, have become my, Dear Sweet Jesus* Just Allow Me One Last Breath Jeans. I would like to blame this seemingly endless expansion and my ever growing ennui on clumsiness, the economy, and innate characteristics that are beyond my control.
But seriously, it's been 5 months. My knee is fine. I need to get my fat can on the treadmill, start applying for jobs in places I would rather live (regardless of how fruitless the market seems), put my big girl panties(pun semi-intended) on and get on with it. You know, take control over the few things that you can control and quit freaking out about the rest. That sort of thing. But when have you ever known me to do what is rational?
Saturday, January 9, 2010
A few months ago Brendan said to his mom, "Hey mom, You know what I want to get Auntie Jill for Christmas? One of those cans that shoots snakes out at you when you open it. That will be awesome." And so it began. The hunt, the hints, the high-ginks and the hilarity. Every few days one of the kids would call and tell me that Brendan had the best gift for me. "It will be awesome!"
Christmas morning finally rolled around and Brendan made sure that everyone was looking as I opened my gift. Maximum drama was the desired goal. And if I do say so my self, it was awesome. I'm not sure how it popped into his head or why he thought I would be the perfect recipient of the snake can. It was awesome to see how excited all of the kids were when the snakes jumped out of the tube and into my face. But, I'm pretty sure my favorite part was knowing that they had been planning and giggling about it for weeks.
And even though I don't have a video of the great surprise, it was a little bit like this....only cuter because all three kids were jumping up and down and squealing with glee at my 'shock and awe!'
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
This is basically everything that I never knew I always wanted. The perfect combination of most of my favorite things, TV, The Office and Clue. You can't beat that. Bummer for all the presents that came after this one...it's gunna be hard for you not to suck by comparison.