Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Not just a few.

Bouncing around in my head are musings, motto's, reflections, and resolutions from my time visiting family, holidaying, and lounging about the Great Pacific Northwest, as we ushered in the next decade. But at the moment, I am much too tired for brevity and whit...instead you get a long winded, random, stream of consciousness. Deal widdit....or move along. Better details and stories are forthcoming, but for our purposes now, this is mostly to help organize all of my rage, disgust and righteous indignation. There maybe a little pep. It was Christmas after all. Probably not a lot of PEP, I didn't get the unicorn I have been asking for since I was 9, but pep nonetheless. I am starting a list of questions for God when I meet him. It will start off with the obvious, "What the hell was Hitler's problem? Mosquito's? Really? What's with the horizontal headband phenomena? And why so many damn trees in Washington? (It's a mystery to me that anyone finds their way around that place....completely devoid of any type of horizon, seriously.)

All I can think about at the moment is how grateful I am that my dog is asleep on my feet, keeping them warm and toasty in my own obscenely comfortable bed and how AWESOME it was to be able to be bumped to first class for my flight back home to California. Granted, not a long flight, but after a Christmas break full of speeding tickets, puking, ER visits (with a smoking hot med student who was 'practicing his bedside manor' and therefore would not laugh at the mad jokes I was spittin', I totally deserved to fly with the have's and spend a little less time with the not's. I can't even even lie, if you know me, you should know that I was totally funny in the ER. It was an awkward doctor visit to begin with....and then with Edward back there just 'watching me sleep' made things feel even more dirty. The kind of dirty that doesn't wash off).

After that little slice of fresh hell, there was 45 minutes worth of driving around random neighborhoods in Vancouver. Have I mentioned how much I HATE being lost? It's only an estimate, but I'm fairly certain I drove 17,642 circles around the house where I was supposed to meet my sister for the 2010 festivities. Having left my GPS and phone at my sisters, I was pretty much flying blind (almost literally due to the fog and all the damn trees that look exactly like one another) trying to find the house where I was to ring in the new year with 15 children all under the age of 12 and RockBand. Whooot! (Even still a much better option than any YSA activity)

Mental note- a)use landmarks that are stationary, Semi-trucks (while they may look packed down for the night)
have a tendency to leave right when you NEED THEM NOT TO!
b)Have we gotten a final decision ...swearing inside
your head doesn't count, right? Can someone please run that past the bishop..
.I think I have used up most of my free passes.

Ugh- On to the fender bender debacle. The key players are these....1) a drive thru 2) A car (unbeknownst to me) with non functioning windows, heater, defroster, and sketchy headlights 3) The first diet coke (Which about gagged me because unexpectedly it was really a Dr Pepper) in an entire week....in a cup that was just a smidge too big for the cup holder. Add all that up, then multiply by rain and you get me driving my brother-in-law's Mormon Assault Vehicle into their friends similar MAV. It was really more of a bumb, glide, rub of bumbers....but thank goodness all 8 of the Dunfords are super cool....and we just wiped it off and carried on to watch a movie back home. Following little slice of humiliation, there were repeated attempts to guilt me into going to a Young Single Adult Activity (enough with the Morm references....sorry) on New Years with a bunch of people I don't know,will never see again, live three states away from, and will NO DOUBT be the one of the oldest people there. All the while my nieces and nephew, who I get to see maybe twice a year, ring in the new year together. EHHHHH No Thanks. On a number of fronts.

Oh and don't let me forget to tell you about the Bomb Assessment Specialists had the pleasure of dealing with a nice man heretofore referred to as bomberman. Bomberman was asked to open his bag, but this apparently didn't sit well with his sense of fair play. The bomberman refused to allow his bag to be checked with the x-ray or by hand. In fact when the TSA moved to check it, bomberman snatched it back and made a move to exit quickly. After that he was, 'kindly asked to put his hands in the air and then lay face down on the floor.' Apparently that didn't sit well with bomberman either because he tried the snatch and grab thing again. (Did he really see that working out for him?) Anyhow- the TSA guy mentioned that he really needed to calm down and work with them. He didn't feel much like laying down for the cuffs. Following some gentle coercion.....he was belly down and cuffed. And the wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round. Merry Christmas Moron.

So yeah- I upgraded to 1st class. Best money I have ever spent in my life. Got me away from the knuckle dagger's, mouth breathers, the dirty, unwashed masses, and general ne'erdowells. That is to say nothing about avoiding the accordion player, the three guitarists, a kid carrying a drum, and a toddler with an old school recorder, (all of these were carry on's...and none of them were together. Strange.)

Bottom Line- First Class.....completely worth it.
We were in color, but everything else....totally the same.

Hope your freaking Christmas was Merry, and have a happy blasted New Year. Sure looks like mine is shaping up to be a goodie!

*Probably is a good thing I switched to 1st class and didn't stay squished with the others. Turns out I forgot to put deodorant on! Nice. Guess I shouldn't point the dirty, unwashed finger so quickly.


Mona said...

All of this is why we are friends.

L and L and R said...

Two things, Pill:
1. She was totally rump shaking. Am I in for it or what?!
2. Sorry about all of the da$% trees....all puns put aside, if you give them enough time, they start to grow on you.
All the best for 2010!

Jillian said...

Hey Man, Someone in the family has to pay the bills....no judgement here. But I have heard you (and not particularly enjoyed) refer to me as youe 'swearing mormon friend'. So my opinion may not be the sand upon which you build your foundation. ;)

Love you all!

Sparklebot said...

I have never flown first class, even though I fly A LOT. And, now I'm kind of mad about it.

Jillian said...

I hummed, 'A whole new world' the entire time I was there.....when I wasn't eating my free asian pear salad with pot stickers!

Yeah- it was only a 2 hour flight!

Rachael said...

You crack me up!!!! I love reading your posts. I have to call Jenn to get the run down on the festivities!