Tuesday, December 1, 2009

With Mogwai, Comes Much Responsibility

Dearly Beloved,
We are gathered here today...because there is a new baby! And he is cute! And tiny! And all swaddled tightly with care!



But that is actually all heresay passed via picture emails and text messages. We are in fact, not gathered. Not gathered one little bit. Which to the likes of me, (who is in possession of a womb that is equally likely to shrivel up and fall out as birth any actual children) sucks pretty hard. Those damn pigs and their germs went and ruined all of the vicarious baby delivery fun. "NO VISITORS," they say. Not even if you are kosher, or don a HAZMAT suit. "Not even in the hallway or the waiting room. But you might be able to look in the window if the room faces the parking lot." What kind of communist dictator nurse, whose heart is two sizes two small, thought that up?

And a follow up question, don't hospitals and law enforcement officials generally discourage people from crawling through the bushes to sneak-a-peek at those inside? Last I checked with Angelina, that sort of thing was frowned upon.

Now that I read that back, I am absolutely not sad to miss out on anything that might possibly involve sharp instruments and my lady parts...but I have a freaking box of chocolate cigars and congratulations ready...and no one to hand them to!

Official note:
I fully understand the hospitals desire to keep newborns safe from any germs or viruses. Real or hysterical. I understand that they have a huge responsibility....Don't get 'em wet. Don't feed 'em after midnight. Yeah, I know. I also realize that I run the risk of getting busted by my family for 'stealing the thunder' of official announcements, but what's a spinster aunt to do? There is a brand new baby less than 10 minutes from me and you expect me to twiddle my thumbs for two days until I can squeeze him? Are you kidding me? I'm dying here!

8 comments:

Mona said...

I totally understand. Earlier today, I had a strong desire to have a kid just so I can dress this kid in a pink snow suit (a girl kid, of course).

Maursupial said...

Yeah for you!!! He's really cute, and I'm sorry they've locked out out.

R. Siren said...

Best title ever for a new baby post!

Clearly I don't have children either...

Jillian said...

Maury-I hear that people in your family are reproducing as well. Yay! (And to think it was just like yesterday that the new daddy was throwing dive sticks into the pool and making us keep time as he retrieved them.)

Naomi- These days I have to regularly stifle the urge to snatch cute babies just to dress them up in fuzzy, warm outfits. Rest assured that this baby already has more than one such get-up.

R. Siren- Would you think less of me if I admitted that I giggled at my own joke? Clearly I will never have children (or a spouse) of my own...

Sparklebot said...

Since when do they lock the family out? I've never heard of this rule.

Jillian said...

Apparently the CDC made it a policy recently to avoid spreading H1N1 gunk around the newborns. Which makes sense....but bummer.

They let the baby daddy and one other person in, but that is it. (Not one person at a time....but one person, period.) My brother, his wife and her mom are at the birthing center. Everyone else waits...or hops through the bushes and pushes their nose against the window.

I choose to wait....anxiously.

Kelsi {John, Jake, Georgia} said...

hooray for new babies. sorry about the hospital though... that's no good. {and partly why i say NO to hospitals. i like to live by my own rules.}

Rachael said...

There are those strong King genes again b/c I see Brenden in those eyes!