If you need me in '08....

I'll be here. Where that specific 'here' is? Well, that's immaterial. Costa Rica, Thailand, any number of places in the South Pacific, the moon, I am not real picky. Long story short, I have decided that I will not be spending '08 anywhere near reality. At the moment, reality sucks. I am bummed and trying really hard to fake like I'm not....cause it's Christmas and all.

I'm over reality and heading to an island....who's with me?!

Thank you sir, may I have another

If there were a Wienerschnitzel inside Target, I'd pitch a tent and never leave. Seriously.

I got a pair of shoes the other day for about $3 on clearance....and I love them. I'm not quite sure if they are age appropriate, being that I have seen more than one of my students with similar shoes. I'm feeling a little mutton dressed as lamb-ish, but whatever.

You Can't Hug A Fish

The King family has not had the best track record with pets. This is probably the reason that for a very long time I was anti-pet, but I've come to terms with my issues. I started to detail each one of the major catastrophes, but in doing so, I realized that we sound like horrible rotten people. Therefore, you get the nutshell version. (So it might be a big nutshell, whatever). Judge us if you must.

The dog that lasted the longest was a white chow/Samoyed mix named Kasper. We must have had him for about 14 years. My younger brother, Jonathon, grew up under the cloud of knowing that if push came to shove, the dog had seniority; and we, being the outstanding siblings that we were, never let him forget that. Kasper had a little wiener dog friend named Wendy, but she didn't last nearly as long as he did.

I grew up in the day's before xbox and the like, so we resorted to playing baseball in the backyard. When looking back, I realize there were two major things that went wrong with the game. 1) We didn't have enough people to have an actual pitcher, so we resorted to the ever faithful 'self pitch-ee' game. 2) We used the dog's ball.

My older brother, who has been over 6 feet tall since about the 6th grade, was up to bat. He tossed up the ball and swung for the cheap seats. The ball bounced on our makeshift home-plate, Wendy sailed down the first baseline. I don't remember what the ruling was on that ball, but that's neither here, nor there.

Then, when I was about 8, I was skipping out to the car and our brand new kitten followed me out of the house. She had the bad habit of wandering in and out of your ankles when you were trying to walk. I was usually pretty aware of where she was, but not that day. Poor little thing didn't stand a chance. I don't think I have skipped without guilt since then.

Moving right along, we had one cat get hit by the trash truck and left on the sidewalk in front of our house, one got eaten by the rottweiler who belonged to the ex-con's down the street while they, being the hood rats that they were, sat in the back yard and cheered, and one cat escaped to the desert near our house.....that one may have been part tiger, so I am sure she's fine.

My younger brother inadvertently drowned a bird. He didn't fill up her water dish and the poor thing had to lean over so far to get water, she fell in and couldn't get out. We, also, had a basset hound that for some reason, I can't remember why, we couldn't keep. My dad gave her to one of his students and she mysteriously 'disappeared' the very next week. We think they may have eaten her. And finally, we were camping on the beach one year and we decided to go for a walk along the cliffs of the cove. We heard the pop of what we thought was just seaweed.....but it wasn't. My sister stepped on a drowned rat and popped all of it's guts out of his back end!! She took off her shoe, threw it in the ocean and refused to walk back by that spot. She changed her tune once she realized that her choices were go back or be crushed against the cliff walls by the rising tide.


My point in telling you all of this is that my nieces and nephews are dying for a pet! I am DYING to get them one for Christmas, but harbor and overwhelming fear that the King family curse will be passed along. I had hoped that it would skip a generation, but I don't think that is the case. Before they moved from Vegas, they came out to Calif for a weekend visit. While gone the freaking cat sprouted thumbs and somehow opened a window and clawed her way through a screen! My niece prayed for a good two months that Sandy would find her way home. When she came to terms with the fact that might not happen, she changed her prayer to, "Please help Sandy find a home where she will be safe and they will love her."

My sister has tried to pacify them with fish but my 4 year old nephew called her out on that the other day. Hilarious. "Mom, you can't hug a fish, or take a fish for a walk. You could only take a fish for a walk when it was dead.....and then you hafta to drag it. (Begs the question, does he have any experience with that?!?!) When could we get a pet with some legs?" If you could only hear that everything he says is said with a Scooby Doo accent, you would realize how adorable he is.

Bottom line....screw the King family curse, but keep the Humane Society on speed dial.

Friendsmas '07

As a kid, I remember watching movies and seeing holiday parties of all sorts. They all seemed to be having so much fun! They were warm, cozy and just screamed holiday spirit. Well, the time has come. It is time for, Friendsmas Holiday Ho-Ho-Ho Down '07.

There will be good food, (For the record, I do make some of the worlds best chocolate chip cookies. I have references if you need them) fondue, hot cocoa, cookies to decorate, good music, a looping feed of holiday movie classics, and an abundance of paper snowflakes, to say the least.

**there will be no booze. So- you either need to address the problem of sobriety before you come or smuggle it in a top secret flask of some sort.

Friendsmas Holiday Ho-Ho-HoDown

Friday, December 14
King Family Compound
7PM-ish

Suggested Attire- ugliest Christmas sweater you can find. Reindeer, snowflakes and embroidery are encouraged.

Spank you, but no.

Bearing in mind that using a words like 'never' and 'under no circumstance' only ensures that at some point, you will enjoy the pleasure of belling up to the bar to feast on your own words. I still would like to take this opportunity to declare a few things that I will never, under any circumstance, do again.

1. Perm my hair.

I am not sure what ever possessed me to do this in the first place, but rest assured, you will never have to grit your teeth and strain for something nice to say when I show up with a freshly permed coif.

2. Pick up a hobby simply because a guy likes it.

I am ashamed to admit how many times I have done this, but I don't care what type of engine my, or any, car has. I don't particularly care to spend much time hashing out the details of international politics and while I do enjoy sporting events.....I lack that 'eye of the tiger' mentality that it takes to be a hard core participant. I like watching them, and can get down on picnic football games, but can only take so much. I am a much better spectator than participant.

3. Hop a chain link fence.

As some of you may have first hand knowledge of, I was not a small girl in high school. (As compared to the svelte young thing that I am now.) Anyhow-on more than one occasion I found myself dangling from the top of a fence, helpless to the blowing wind. Lesson learned, many times over.

4. Teach Senior Project

While this probably doesn't mean much to those of you who don't teach in the Antelope Valley, but I am SO OVER Senior Project. I swear, I am more stressed about this stupid class than my kids are. I was literally up ALL night long worrying about turning over my papers to a panel of my peers to be graded. We have been working on these freaking papers for nearly 4 months and they are still a mess. And the kids could not be more cavalier about it. I am sure that they have not lost a wink of sleep.

I keep trying to tell myself that it's not a reflection on me. I have done what I can and they need to do some of the leg work on their own. If they blow it off, that's on them.....but I have to think that at some point, I have a key role to play. Maybe I am just burned out, but I am not ever, Ever, EVER going to do this again. Pretty sure that I am over high school students as a whole. There should be an island or them......far across the sea.



Oh...and by way of an update, I read today that they have charged all of the students in the 'Palmdale 4' incident with varying degrees of charges. The two with prior charges have been charged with felonies and the two without records are apparently being charged with misdemeanors. I find that hil-air-ee-ass. I wonder if her arm is still hurted.

One Digit Down

The day started out normal enough. There was no hint, at all, of my digit's impending doom. My parents got suckered into going and standing on line at K-mart at o-dark thirty in an effort to secure a Wii for my nieces and nephew. They got there at about 4:30 and even though there were only about 15 people in front of them, they got no Nintendo Wii. Turns out they only had 7 to sell.

I got up with a screaming pain on the right side of my head. I had a hard time determining whether it was a toothache or an earache. I am kind of leaning toward ear ache now. Everything that I hear from the right side sounds as though it is coming to me through a tin bucket.

Anyhow- my parents went over to my brothers and I got in the shower. Knowing that I was all by myself in the house, the loud clamoring from the garage was a little unsettling. I yelled downstairs to see if it was someone who had returned for a forgotten item. No answer. Then the noise went away, so I figured I was just hearing things. But my mind was drawn back to last nights entertainment, Christmas with the Kranks, and how common holiday robberies are.

Knowing that everything in the movies is totally factual, I weighted my options and decided that I was not down for any neket ninja throw downs. I decided to quietly get out of the shower, get dressed and see what was going on in the garage. As I went to step out of the shower, I knocked the scrubby bubble automatic shower cleaner thing with my elbow, which dislodged my shower head, which fell, in slow motion, and hit me squarely on the bridge of my nose......right between the eyes. I think, perhaps, my vision may be permanently damaged. Anyhow- it did just turn out to be my mom....so there were no towel draped ninja beat downs, but I may have a black eye.

Immediately upon entering my brother's house, the mocking ensued. I went over to smack one of my brother's in-law's, and promptly kicked the corner of the couch so hard that I knocked my pinky-toe nail off. There was blood, and cursing, and now there is limping.

By my count.... Thanksgiving-4 Mi Familia-0

That Ship has Sailed

Today is my youngest nieces birthday and I just came to a very harrowing realization. The days of spelling out s-e-c-r-e-t-s have passed. Like the lazy, and somewhat cheap person that I am, the last time my sister was here, I gave her money for all the kids birthdays. Thus freeing myself from having to remember to go shopping for gifts and getting them sent up to the Great Northwest in time for the birthday festivities. As much as I love my nieces and nephews, my laziness truly knows no bounds. Plus, it seems that I have some genetic abnormality that keeps me from ever actually getting to the post office when it's open and the line is not unbelievably long.

Anyhow- I called my sister today to see what I got my niece for her birthday, but the kids were all within ear shot.....so she couldn't clue me in, yet. That was when I realized how old the kids are all getting!! Granted, she is turning 7 and has actually been reading for quite some time now, but it just hit me today.

Turns out I got her the Mulan costume that she has wanted. I'm such a good aunt.

Sad day

Turns out my next door neighbor died yesterday afternoon. The week before they moved in, they found out that he had cancer. It has progressed pretty quickly, so the wife has had to pretty much take care of everything. The worst part is that they have really young kids. I think that they are 8 and 5. Poor kids. And what crappy timing. I wonder how their Thanksgiving is going to go.

Now I kind of feel bad that I let my dog chase their kids the other day. That's why I never said anything to the mom about it in the first place. How was that conversation going to go? "Hi, I know your husband is inside dying of a horrible disease, but your kid is poking my dog with a stick. Can you tell her to stop?" Just seemed a little insensitive. Anyhow- that's that. Bummer.

Pride of our Founding Fathers

Apparently I missed the rally, but I sure did enjoy reading about it in the paper today. I just can't wrap my mind around this nonsense. When even Al Sharpton abandons your cause, you should know that you are on shaky ground. But- I guess that is a detail lost on the P-dale 4.

I would be protestor numero-uno if this was truly a legit civil rights issue, but this is absolutely laughable. I have tried to keep my two cents to myself but this article is too good to pass up. Seriously, the girl is a liar, who was raised by a criminal, and poked the security guard in the chest as she was telling him that she was not going to 'F-ing pick up anything.' In my opinion, she absolutely deserved to be dropped. What's that I smell? An opportunist?

Sneak a peak.

I'm just glad they are exercising their 1st Amendment rights. Whether or not they can spell amendment? The jury's still out.

Unreal.

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Good Morning Sunshine

This is the poster that welcomed me to school today. You probably can't read the small print, but it says, "We will not be silenced." Hmmmmmm. I currently lack the words to address this.

On a semi-related note, my students are finishing their persuasive speeches today. We have probably spent the past month going over various Revolutionary Era texts as examples, and have discussed interesting possible topics at nausea.

However, this is the final day of our presentations and I find myself growing grim about the mouth and with a strong desire to methodically knock people's hats off. Rest assured that the topics of abortion, euthanasia, capital punishment and global warming have been well covered. I think that more disturbing than the lack of original thought present in their presentations, is the lack of clear thought all together. I am a bit discouraged with the days events. Teaching reading, teaching writing....I have a plan of attack for that. But how do you teach someone how to think? I am not sure where to even begin when their whole thought process is corrupt.

And the thought of sophomores for the next two periods is doing nothing for my spirits. They seem bent on proving that I earn my paycheck for simply finding a way to corral them and not reacting to their antics with violence.

While I don't currently have the option of taking to the sea, the only thing that is bringing hope to the damp drizzly November of my soul, is the fact that it actually is November (Albeit not a damp or drizzly November, but November nonetheless.) and Thanksgiving break is now a mere hour and a half away!

Plus- House and Dancing with the Stars are on tonight.....so things are lookin' up! I am anxious to see if there are enough dorky Mormons in the world to keep Marie on for another week. Should she stay or should she go? I could go either way.

Children don't walk past my house.....they RUN!

In true Freddy form, my 23 lb, ferocious beast bolted out the door today before I could get a sufficient monkey grip on his leash. And as is just my luck, a group of neighborhood kids were in the street playing.

My dog is pretty much harmless, but everything he does, he does 100%. He doesn't walk. There is no option for meander, wander or stroll; everything is done in overdrive. (I'm not a completely irresponsible dog owner. We're working on his manners, settle down!) Freddy spotted the kids and made an absolute B-line for them. He wasn't being mean, just wanted to check out what was going on.......at about 40 mph. Needless to say, every single kid began screaming bloody murder and scattered to the wind. All the while, Freddy just stood there looking around trying to figure out where they were going.

A random passerby may say that they were running because they were scared of the wonderbeast that is my dog. I say it's more likely that the screams were a result of their collective guilty conscious needing an escape. Every time I go out and clean up the yard, there are more and more random rocks lying all around. In it's normal state, there is nary a single rock in my backyard landscape. However, my neighbors yard is decorated extensively with rocks. And on more than one occasion, I have come out and caught the little buggers red handed poking my dog with sticks. They knew he was lose and were worried that he had come to settle the score.

A better person would have reprimanded the dog.....not I. Since he lacks the opposable thumbs requisite for throwing the rocks back, this was his little act of revenge. I secretly reveled in the chaos and mayhem that Freddy exacted this afternoon.It may not have even been that secretly, because their mother saw me giggling all the way to the car. I loved that she yelled to her kids, "That's what you get! I told you to stop teasing that dog!"

I think if Freddy could talk, he would say that revenge is sweet.....very sweet.