Friday, April 30, 2010

I'll Skip the Bath

Google has an uncanny ability to guess what I am thinking. I type in 'Dod' and it knows I am looking for the Dodger score. I type in 'Amer' and it somehow guesses that I am looking for American Literature lesson plans. I type in 'Tiger' and I am automatically directed to white page listings for high priced hookers. It's amazingly accurate. Scary almost.
But when it comes to French Bed and Breakfasts, they have totally misread my intentions. Turns out when looking for B&B's across the pond, Google is not nearly as accurate as it is here in the west . I was hoping for quaint, homey, safe, and travel friendly. They thought that I was looking for a racy, hot, gay bath house. Who knew they even had those? I thought that was strictly a Roman Empire thing. Truth be told, I'm not even sure what a bath house is. I mean....I can put some general ideas together, but huh? Really?
After my conservative Mormon, knee jerk reaction I thought,
"Hey- at least I don't have to worry about getting drugged, raped and killed in a foreign country!"
But then my more sensible side won over. I realized that there is no way my fragile self esteem would be able to handle spending a week in Paris and not getting hit on a single time. I love my dear sweet day gay, but when it comes down to it....I'm holding out for at least one semi-exciting 'Romantic Night in Paris' vacation story. I'm not above embellishing the details, but I'd at least like it to be based in some legit hetero-wooing.

5 comments:

L and L and R said...

Listen, Pill, the summer I backpacked through Europe with one of my ol' mission comps, we dubbed the entire venture, "The European Tour of Seduction." So, go ahead. Knock yourself out. See how many French nicmos you can tally up while over there. Let's aim for a perfect score of 7 out of 7. Comme le Francais dis, Sept nuits du roman! You have my blessing.

And, as for meeting up in WA the first week of June. Let's do it. Give me a day that works and I will block it out in ma calendrier! Je t'aime! LJH

Jillian said...

Rumor has it, all I need is the phrase, "I love your belt. Wanna makeout?" in French. So if you could do me a solid in that regard and get that translation sent over asap, yours will be the first wedding invitation that I send!

We have no more time for schemes and tomfoolery. This trip, we mean business. (Well- Brittany might not, but I sure as hell do. If God won't give me a Mormon man...I'll scour the globe until I find a man that I can make Mormon. All for my very own.

Jillian said...

Upon further review I have come up with the following plan. Yes- I respond to my own comments.

I've been doing some thinking.....and I think this Euro-Afro adventure needs to come full circle, or I will be disappointed. Therefore, I deem the first half of the trip "Blessin the rain down in Aaaaaaafrica." Where much good and service will be done.

The second half of the trip will heretofore be referred to as, "The Euro Summer of Seduction." (Good call, Lis) Wherein I will make it my mission to spend an inordinate amount of time in pubs looking to kiss any Scottish man that remotely resembles Gerard Butler. That will be followed closely with whole hearted attempts at smoochin' as many frenchmen that look like Cyril Mourali or Jean-marc Barr.

The party train is leaving. If you know what's good for you...you'd better get on board! ;)

Melissa said...

"The Euro Summer of Seduction" is uh, classier than what my friend called her summer outings a few years ago: "Whore Tour 2004!" She even made t-shirts. It was pretty fabulous. You should make yourself a t-shirt to really get into the spirit!

HAVE FUN! You deserve it!

mintifresh said...

hahahaha
Pure unadulterated awesomeness! Can I go in your suitcase???
Is this an "Eat, Pray, Love" kinda thing?? ;)