Monday, April 26, 2010

Crazy Train

The players were these:

-Weeks worth of dealing with ridiculous bosses and coworkers.

-Teenagers done with the school year and restless from a week of state testing.

-Equal parts anxiety/anticipation for Africa. great supply.

-Adorable babies all around, none of which I get to keep.

-Nearly constant badgering about themed YSA activities (Which I have no intention of attending, no matter how many people ask/insist. P.S. I'm not a Y-SA, just a SA. While that distinction may be blurry for some, it is crystal clear for me. )

-And a general overriding sense of ennui and confusion about life in general.

Couple that with:

-Late nights

-Frayed nerves

-Stuffy noses, Nyquil and sleep aid's.

And what you have is: Me, last night, but with tears.

What can ya do?

Say what you will about Marilyn Monroe, but she had this one right."I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at me worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

I sometimes worry that being single, without children, independent, forced succeed and move forward on my own, has brought out some negative characteristics in me. Not always, but sometimes. I think that life being what it is, I am growing more harsh than kind. More rough than refined. More rigid than accepting. I laugh less and roll my eyes more. I am cruel, when I could just as easily be kind. Granted...feeling this way ebbs and flows, but I just wish 'my best' would work a little harder, and show up a little more frequently.


L and L and R said...

I heart Pill.
I miss Pill.
I wish Pill lived in my town.

Jillian said...

I love you Lis! (And Ron and Lia too, of course) but we both know that you are atop the list of peeps I love!

mintifresh said...

The interesting thing about it is I am married and have kids but I feel the exact same way. I feel like I am getting more mean and unaccepting than charitable in anyway! I think it's just life slapping us in the face and reminding us it ain't all rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes I feel like I have completely lost 'my best' years ago!

becky said...

Love you tons. Even at your worst.