Aaaaaaah, Yeaaaaaah.

There are a few people you can thank (blame?) for this post. Melissa started it. Maury kept it going. And now, here I am joining the rank and file.

Whacha gotta do is pretty simple. Name ten things you love that start with the letter you were given. As you probably have guessed, I got the letter A.


Let's start with this one and hope that you forget that I mentioned it by the time that you get to the end.

1)AMBIEN
A.K.A. my drug of choice. It's sad really, but once I graduated from college and started teaching, I promptly stopped sleeping. It takes me hours, HOURS, to fall asleep. When I finally do get to the land of sweet, sleepy relief, it is only for about 45 minutes. Then it's back to tossing and turning again. More often than not, I wake up feeling more tired than I was when I went to bed. It's a curse. I am certain of that. I have tried the herbal route, white noise machines, eye masks, aromatherapy, sleep clinics, everything. Sadly, all that has come from that is nice smelling linens and a humiliating night spent sleeping in a strange office building with wires strapped to every part of my body and head....while being filmed.

So yes, I love Ambien. Judge me if you will but keep it to yourself. I'm too tired to hear it.

2)ARETHA'S HAT
I don't care what people say and I don't much care for discussing politics....but this hat rocked my world.

Let's just be quiet now and let the hat speak for itself.

3)AIRPORTS
As you may well know, I live in L-town. The place where hope goes to die...so I love to get away. Airports are a big part of that. In my experience, there is rarely a bad reason to be in an airport. Either you are leaving on a trip to see family and/or friends, or you are heading out for a super cool vacation in a far off land. Wooo hooo! What's not to love about that? (We didn't get lei'd in Hawaii. You have to pay extra for that and I'm not that kind of girl.)








And on the flip side-being back in the airport means that you finally get to be home and sleep in your own bed! Yay for that!




4)AUSTEN
This one, for his sense of irony in literally "Feasting Upon The Word."











This one for writing strong, intelligent, clever heroines who still occasionally get caught up in being foolish, romantic, and jealous. I can relate to that.
















5) ANIMALS
Don't get me wrong. I am not sure that it is a correct statement to say I love all animals. In fact, when I told Maury Sue I was getting a dog her response was, "Who are you and what have you done with my friend?" I don't dislike animals. I just don't like other peoples animals to touch me. Who knows where they have been, how recently they have been bathed, or how often they lick their own weiner? Ewwwww.

But I sure do love this animal. He never does anything gross like lick his weiner. And he poops rose pedals.














6) AMERICA
I love my country. I love that we can choose to be who we want without fear of being punished or persecuted. While I am not very political, I am very patriotic. Every 4th of July you can count on a display of two things, the long standing tradition of King family stupidity and a great deal of explosives. Typically, the two come together without much of a hitch. Sometimes the hitch comes in the form of a flaming rocket heading directly into the garage where the women and children have attempted to seek refuge. Without fail, the local authorities pinpoint our location and the children are sent off to hide the remaining evidence (which will most certainly be used against one of us in a court of law) while the grownup's (and I'm using that term loosely) talk with the police.

You know who else loves America? Neil. Neil Diamond. Who doesn't like fireworks set to the Diamond? Commies. That's who.


7) Avocado
You can keep your guacamole. Give me an avocado and a spoon. I'm good.



8) Ambulance The only good thing that came from losing my ipod was re-discovering my love for this song. (I can't find a video to embed...sorry. You'll just have to click the link, listen, and enjoy. You've welcome.)

9)Abba
I love me some Swedish pop music. Don't judge me. I sing without shame every chance I get. And really, who can argue with this request?

10) Average Joes

I have come to the conclusion that Average Joe's are much more entertaining than super hot people. I have a theory. Wanna hear it? Here it go...super hot people are used to others clamoring to be around them simply because they are eye candy. I don't blame them for that. You take what you can get. On the other hand, average joe's have had to hone and refine their game and are usually WAY more fun to be around. I have actually done extensive research in proving this theory. More than I care to admit actually. After years of stalking the greek god with the red four-runner, we finally met him and my heart broke a little. It was the beginning of a lifetime of disappointment.


So there you have it. 10 things that I love that start with the letter A. Coming up with the list was quite easy. Writing about each one was not quite as simple. And true confession, I got a bit lazy toward the end. Either way...if you want a letter so that you can play along, let me know. I have a very scientific and random system worked out.

Another Thing Mom Was Right About

The Big A&P in the Sky

I'm not sure if it makes me a high school teaching prophetess or what, but today as my students and I finished reading "A&P," I put the text back in my file cabinet, slammed it shut... and I learned that John Updike passed away. Poetic, huh?

Point being: Don't cross me. I've got crazy, voo-doo, magic powers.

"Maybe we'll meet some other time. Under the pear trees, in Paradise."

Of These Things I Am Certain

1. Regardless of what 'they' say, jogging is not good for you.
2. I look great in my pink beanie.
3. I need to live someplace that will allow me to wear it more without looking ridiculous.
4. Your name tattooed on the neck of your significant other is the truest show of devotion.
5. Being awake and functioning at 6:30 am stinks. Dealing with teenagers at such an hour, who you had no hand (or any other part for that matter) in creating, is a fate that is cruel and unkind.
6. Gitmo shouldn't be closed. It should be expanded to house both enemy combatants and cranky teenagers...all with instructions not to shoot to wound.
7. Pedicures and waxing should be tax deductible.
8. The seven year itch applies to jobs as well as spouses.
9. Smuckers Uncrustables are never the right answer.
10. Puerto Rico is no longer simply whispering my name. It is shouting. SHOUTING at me from the aisles of the sea.

Bless You St Valentine.

I've been waiting all year.

Filed under-Things I won't be watching, ever.

Notorious

Far be it from me to tell people what movies they should or should not watch, but this is one that I will not be watching. I don't feel overly compelled to throw my money and support behind a misogynistic, philandering, gun toting, drug peddling, gang banging, thug. Even if he can rhyme, which the average 2nd grader can do, by the way. Really- aside from the ability to hustle and flow, am I missing some redeeming quality? Seriously.

If I wanted to be $20 poorer and battered by swearing, drugs, illicit sex and senseless violence...I could pick up some take out and go back to work. Actually, if that's all I wanted, I could just leave my purse unattended while I chat it up with my next door neighbors.

Anyone who feels compelled to join me can do so by following the moral high ground to the fork in the road, then climb up the Ivory Tower of Judgement. I'll be waiting.

Around the Way Girl

Dear Palmdale,

It's a roundabout, not rocket science. Let's all take a minute, stop painting our cars glittery green, and do some good old fashioned learning. Oh- and you in the leased Escalade rollin' on dubs...I'm talking to you too. I have faith that you can get it.

Notice, there are no stop signs, only yield signs. That's the entire point of a roundabout...keep people moving. Roundabout, not stop about, and certainly not stop at each street. Check to your left and if no one is coming, get in there. This might mean you need to re-adjust the gun rack in the back window of your truck, but that's okay. Safety first. And contrary to popular belief, Palmdale is not some third world country where whoever honks first gets the right of way. This is America. Land of the Free. Home of the Brave. We have rules and laws. Your mother wasn't lying, they are for your own good.

Then, when you get to your desired destination, simply break away to the right and move it along. Not hard. I know you can do it.

Here is a picture tutorial for those who are literacy challenged. Follow the red (or blue) arrow. I know that most things in this town are built on the grid system, so this newfandangled curvy business is new to most of us, but don't fight progress.


Come on, P-dale...you are my people. I believe in you. Let's show the world that we are not as backwards as they think we are. We can handle a roundabout. Oh-Yes, we can!

That is all.

Happy Trails,
Jill

Things That Peeve My Pet

This is my pet.

And these are the things that peeve him. I just thought that you should know...as peeving my pet will most certainly get you bit. I know he looks harmless, but stranger things have happened. In the spirit of full disclosure, here goes.


1. Leaving or entering the room without announcing your movements.
2. Running up the stairs.
3. People who ask questions at the end of meetings/class.
4. Wrestling/Raising your voice/Fighting.
5. Getting anywhere near my my bed while sleeping.

Okay- so some of these pertain to my pet, some of them pertain to me. Actually....some could go both ways. (I needed 5 though, talk to my therapist). If you plan to stop by my house, or climb in my bed, *gasp* consider yourself warned.

What are these people doing?

THEY'RE DANCING!


Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

Some of my favorite tidbits...

1)Tonga, where he gets nailed by a huge wave.
2)When dude cracks up at the kids in the Solomon Islands.
3)Kuwait with the dog running circles around him. I can only imagine what the dog is thinking, "I don't know what this fool is doing, but I'd like to get in on some of that," because dogs can totally think.

Happiness is contagious, indeed. And apparently...so is dancing.

Earth Shattering News!

You may want to make sure your food storage and safety preparedness kits are in order. I believe that this week has brought about one of the lesser known signs of the Apocalypse.

We've been back from Christmas break about a week and I have noticed a change. Small. Almost imperceptible to the untrained eye...but my sophomores...they are almost acting like normal humans. I'm pretty sure the lion and the lamb will be next.

Just a heads up. Repent if necessary. The time is coming soon. It's gotta be.

A Debacle in Diplomatic Relations

I talked to these guys this morning, and it didn't go very well. Even more upsetting? There was no dancing and nary a hint of singing. Honestly, I kind of hoped there would be.


Naomi decided that she needed to go somewhere sunny in celebration of her 30th birthday; since I am always in favor of celebraciones de cumpleaños en el sol...the planning for Puerto Rico began rather quickly.

One of the places where we decided to stay is a small Mom & Pop guesthouse in a quiet town on the southern most part of the island. I had the dubious honor of giving them a call this morning as there was no online reservation page. I've got to admit, the phone call could have gone better.

I try not to be the ugly American who expects the world to speak to me in my mother tongue. I geared myself up for what could possibly be a rough conversation and gave ol' Puerto Rico a ring. Heck, I minored in Spanish for heaven's sake. How poorly could it go? Funny thing, I'm still not convinced that what I heard on the other end of the line was Spanish...or anything like unto it.

There was a litany of noise and some sounds that were vaguely recognizable. Then from me there was stammering, panic, and then I just hung up. No words. No apologies. I choked. I froze. I just hung up. After my diplomatic belly flop, I went to a friend who is a Spanish speaker, and had her call and make reservations for me.

Later that day it occurred to me that it would probably be a good idea to have confirmation in writing about our reservation. Thus, my humiliation en Español continued. I drafted up a few of my best guesses as to how I should ask about a confirmation and sent them to the Spanish teacher at my school. I explained my predicament and asked her which sounded the least stupid. She made me feel much better. Apparently, Puerto Rican Spanish is pretty hard to understand. Turns out they speak unbelievably quickly, drop various consonants from their words and pronounce their R's like L's. They are the fast talking Asians of the Spanish speaking world.

This could prove an interesting trip for me and my gringo Spanish.

¡Aye Carumba!

Deeper Shade of Sole

These are the shoes that I have on right now.
I didn't bother to put socks on for a couple of reasons. The main reason was simply because I was running late and couldn't find a matching pair. (I am not proud) As luck would have it, today was much colder than I expected it to be. So of course, I spent a good portion of the morning complaining about my cold, sock-less feet.

To add insult to the injury of my poor, pasty white, little soles, my coworker/friend looked down at my feet and said, "Are you kidding me right now? You aren't wearing white socks?"

Winter, are you listening? I'm so over you.

Hey Sailor!

It's interesting growing up. I am down in San Diego today talking with my grandparents about their youth, their marriage, joining the church and nearly burning down the neighborhood. My dad is recording some stories and I am in the other room looking through pictures.

This is one of my personal favorites. My grandpa is on the left. He and his buddy are heading to get breakfast at the YMCA in Honolulu.

Probably says something about the type of granddaughter that I am, but all I want to know is who is that guy on the right? And does he have any grandsons? Seriously.

Anchors Away, indeed.