Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Tuesday's a Good Day for a Life Altering Realization

Today I conducted a very serious experiment and came to a life altering conclusion.

My ears are lopsided.

I bought a pair of earrings while on a trip in Chiang Mai. The first time I wore them was on the ridiculously long flight back from Thailand to Los Angeles, via Hong Kong. I noticed that one was dangling a little lower and brushing my collar bone occasionally, while the other was not. Granted, this would have driven me crazy on a normal day, but after two weeks of traveling, being blessed with the shoulders of a lineman and being squeezed into the center seat of an airplane for a 14 hour flight with possibly some of the most annoying people on the planet, and absentmindedly running out of Ambien a day before we ran out of trip, the earring issue put me right over the edge. I was flirting with some seriously suicidal tendencies.

I took them off, tossed them in my carry on, cursed under my breath and attempted forget about it...until today. I put them on this morning and immediately remembered my humiliating deformity. In the manner of scientific inquiry, I tried on every other pair of earrings that I own in order to determine if it was my ears that were uneven or the earrings. I am very sad to report that it is, in fact, my ears.

I can't even begin to tell you how, in just a matter of hours, this has dramatically changed my life. IT'S. ALL. I. CAN. THINK. ABOUT. The earrings are like flaming hot daggers stabbing into my collarbones with every lopsided step I take. I have a debilitating crick in my neck from trying to hold my head to the side in a futile attempt to even out my ears. And I am fairly certain that each and every one of my students left my classroom giggling and snickering about it.

I'm not sure what the appropriate road to take is from here. I'm thinking that surgery is the only answer....or perhaps therapy.

12 comments:

Maursupial said...

I'm glad you've finally realized what we've all been talking about behind your back. Just kidding. I've never noticed your deformity, but I'm sure your students have.

becky said...

Seriously...LOL!!
Totally the reason I don't wear dangly earrings though...

Jillian said...

It's just a good thing for my students that I don't allow myserf to verbalize all of the little nicknames I make for them about their physical abnormalitities. At least my names would be clever.

ej said...

I do not think your ears are crooked. I think you are always curious.

Mona said...

Pull a Van Gogh.

Rachael said...

I have noticed that when I wear sunglasses I can see one eyebrow more than the other so I have too come to the conclusion that I have one ear higher than the other...or my eyebrows are lopsided!

Maursupial said...

Oh, and your students are too busy dropping pencils to check out your rack to notice that your ears are uneven. Seriously. No worries!

Anonymous said...

Everyone has lopsided ears Jillian. Don't sweat it.

Anonymous said...

Maybe your ears are fine. Maybe it is just where some douchebag pierced them years ago.
Mine aren't in the same location. One is a bit higher one the earlobe than the other. Plus my one ear is higher too, found that out via sunglasses - argh!
Good thing that is my only flaw.

Brooke Allen said...

Hi Jill. I snuck on to your blog through Jennifer's. Hope you don't mind me being a voyeur into your life.
Just be glad you've only now realized this and haven't been obsessing over it for 12 years like I have (I'm obsessing over my ears, not yours)

Jillian said...

Hey Brooke! There are way worse things than voyeurism! I totally don't mind your reading.

How have you managed with this?! I haven't been able to pull my hair up in public since the grand revelation. I may go insane.

Brooke Allen said...

I'm not going to lie...it's been a struggle. You can't wear dangly earrings unless your hair is down. I also have known for sometime that this effects my sunglasses as well. I suspect I've got a good half inch difference on my ears so most sunglasses are crooked.