A Fistful of First World Woes

I'm not entirely comfortable labeling myself a pessimist.  I'll give you realist. I'm too emotional to ever consider myself pragmatic.  Maybe let's just go with one who is VERY well aware of all the many ways a good thing can go wrong . Splendidly, monumentally, drastically wrong. However, I'd like to think that when push comes to shove, I am naturally inclined to look on the bright side of things. But in all reality, I'm about sick to death of all the damn pushing and shoving.

Seriously.

Also, if I hear one more person use the phrase, "First world problems," I swear on the tears of children from every poverty stricken, war torn nation that ever has and ever will exist, that I will strangle said person to death with a phone cord or some other useless relic of convenience from a time long gone by.

Yes- I am 33, not tied down by husband and children. Free to come and go as I please.

But yes,-I am 33, more than likely going to die alone, and no one will notice until the barking dog annoys the neighbors enough to raise suspicion....which is hopefully before he decides to eat my body because his food bowl has run dry.

Yes- I have multiple degrees and a career that many people would love to have.

But yes- I have enough student loan debt to choke a horse. I envy the gardeners that get to spend their days in the sunshine while people commend the skill with which the grass lines were edged and the corners rounded without err. While I go to work to be berated by teenagers who know all there is to know about all that ever was, and be subtly belittled by coworkers who assume that they are the only ones who do their job well...all the while I wrack my brain for a marketable skill other than teaching or top-less dancing.

Yes- I have a beautiful and comfortable house that I can call my very own.

But yes- I am the owner of a veritable stink bug farm, sick to freaking death of picking weeds and have a mortgage that leaves me with about $2.76 in my checking account at the end of the month.

Yes- I have the entire summer to laze about while paying no mind to work, school deadlines or due dates.

But yes- I have the entire summer to laze about with no paycheck, nowhere to go and nothing to do but ruminate on the aforementioned stinkbug farm and the "SURPRISE!! We rechecked your 2010 tax return and found some discrepancies" notice in the mail.

Yes- I have wonderful parents and siblings who are willing to bend over backward and hijack the moon if I asked them to.

But yes- that underlines the sneaking suspicion that I have managed to become the uncontested F-up of my family.

So how's life as a single American woman with an advanced degree, a great career, a home of her own and an awesome family?

Great! Comparatively speaking....things couldn't be better. Nothing to complain about here....but when the hell has that ever stopped me before?

And contrary to Andy Grammer's peppy encouragement, I'll keep my head wherever I damn please. And my hair is perfectly fine right where it is. Thankyouverymuch.