I don't know if I have exposed this dirty little secret to this here blogosphere, but I watch too much TV. As an English teacher I feel compelled to fudge a little about how much I watch and how little I read. The former I round down, the latter I round up. But I can live a lie no more.
I don't read as much as I should...and I watch much more TV than I ought.
Come to think of it, I've never gotten an official verdict. Do books on tape count as legit reading? Suppose we should throw that quandary out to all the gods ever taught about in theology class. You know, cover all the bases.
Anyhow-What has prompted me to expose my shameful secret? Jeff from Big Brother, Dexter, and NCIS. I can hide my love under a bushel no more.
I do try to work at keeping the line drawn clearly between fact and fiction. But Jeff.....oh my heavens, he's a real live man....and I think he could love me. Heaven knows I already love him.
That's right about where the line between reality and fiction starts to get a little fuzzy.
One of my girlfriends, who has gotten herself stuck in a state of Missouri, informed me that there was an awesome show that I have completely missed out on. Apparently there was some misunderstanding on my end. She was talking about Chuck.
I, on the other hand, thought she was talking about Dexter. A bit dark and twisty, but equal parts gruesome AND awesome. Plus, dude is smoking, fire, hot. I might be able to look past the whole, kill the bad to protect the good, serial killer thing. A man with principles, I can live with that. I could love that. In fact, I do.
Ahhh well, if Jeff insists on not loving me back and I can't live a happy life raising Dexter Jr, then I would like to heretofore be known as Mrs Anthony Dinozzo. This video is probably one of my favorites because 1) Tony is smoking hot and kicks serious butt. 2) He gets a divorce from his pretend wive Ziva,so he's fair game! I'm no home wrecker. And yes, he is a bit of a man whore, that's fine. People can change, right? Right? Mrs Dinozzo. Oh heaven help my heart. I want to lick him. I am certain that you will love him as I do. Unless there is something wrong with you...but either way, back up off my man
And sweet mother of all that is good, now we have an NCIS Los Angeles? I may join the navy just so that I can get into some sort of horrific trouble L.L. Cool J could come and save me from. My love for him goes way back to Fendi bags and a bad attitudes. That really did put me in a good mood. I've always had at least one of those two.
Now the men of NCIS are on my half of the country, commonly rolling thru Dodgertown? That's super awesome. If joining the ranks of the navy and falling into distress isn't enough to get his attention, I'd be willing go out of my way to start some schenanigans that would ensure LL must fulfill his obligation to the law and be my arresting officer. Yes, I do submit to a body search.....and those cuffs...fine by me.
I wouldn't say that I'm an alarmist by any means. That being said, when school started (and I eventually decided to join them) I went with a steady supply of hand sanitizer in my purse. I've been around high school kids long enough to know that they are a filthy little bunch....in more ways than one.
But what to do when the aforementioned bottle of hand sanitizer explodes and ruins the inside of my very favorite (and very expensive) purse?
Swine-flu be damned.
I looked the pig in the eye, wiped the gelatinous mess from the once so soft lining of my purse, then threw caution and the empty damn bottle to the wind. (Amid a litany of mild curse words.) Personally, I'm not convinced that the swine flu isn't a conspiracy dreamt up to scare people into supporting health care reform*
After all of my theatrics, I still feel no satisfaction. I am going home to make a BLT and burn my copy of A Day No Pigs Would Die.
*Before you get your panties in a bunch look up the word 'hyperbole' and keep your political rantings to yourself. This is my blog....and I don't care what you think about health care. I was joking!
