Of These Things I Am Certain

1. Regardless of what 'they' say, jogging is not good for you.
2. I look great in my pink beanie.
3. I need to live someplace that will allow me to wear it more without looking ridiculous.
4. Your name tattooed on the neck of your significant other is the truest show of devotion.
5. Being awake and functioning at 6:30 am stinks. Dealing with teenagers at such an hour, who you had no hand (or any other part for that matter) in creating, is a fate that is cruel and unkind.
6. Gitmo shouldn't be closed. It should be expanded to house both enemy combatants and cranky teenagers...all with instructions not to shoot to wound.
7. Pedicures and waxing should be tax deductible.
8. The seven year itch applies to jobs as well as spouses.
9. Smuckers Uncrustables are never the right answer.
10. Puerto Rico is no longer simply whispering my name. It is shouting. SHOUTING at me from the aisles of the sea.

Bless You St Valentine.

I've been waiting all year.

Filed under-Things I won't be watching, ever.

Notorious

Far be it from me to tell people what movies they should or should not watch, but this is one that I will not be watching. I don't feel overly compelled to throw my money and support behind a misogynistic, philandering, gun toting, drug peddling, gang banging, thug. Even if he can rhyme, which the average 2nd grader can do, by the way. Really- aside from the ability to hustle and flow, am I missing some redeeming quality? Seriously.

If I wanted to be $20 poorer and battered by swearing, drugs, illicit sex and senseless violence...I could pick up some take out and go back to work. Actually, if that's all I wanted, I could just leave my purse unattended while I chat it up with my next door neighbors.

Anyone who feels compelled to join me can do so by following the moral high ground to the fork in the road, then climb up the Ivory Tower of Judgement. I'll be waiting.

Around the Way Girl

Dear Palmdale,

It's a roundabout, not rocket science. Let's all take a minute, stop painting our cars glittery green, and do some good old fashioned learning. Oh- and you in the leased Escalade rollin' on dubs...I'm talking to you too. I have faith that you can get it.

Notice, there are no stop signs, only yield signs. That's the entire point of a roundabout...keep people moving. Roundabout, not stop about, and certainly not stop at each street. Check to your left and if no one is coming, get in there. This might mean you need to re-adjust the gun rack in the back window of your truck, but that's okay. Safety first. And contrary to popular belief, Palmdale is not some third world country where whoever honks first gets the right of way. This is America. Land of the Free. Home of the Brave. We have rules and laws. Your mother wasn't lying, they are for your own good.

Then, when you get to your desired destination, simply break away to the right and move it along. Not hard. I know you can do it.

Here is a picture tutorial for those who are literacy challenged. Follow the red (or blue) arrow. I know that most things in this town are built on the grid system, so this newfandangled curvy business is new to most of us, but don't fight progress.


Come on, P-dale...you are my people. I believe in you. Let's show the world that we are not as backwards as they think we are. We can handle a roundabout. Oh-Yes, we can!

That is all.

Happy Trails,
Jill

Things That Peeve My Pet

This is my pet.

And these are the things that peeve him. I just thought that you should know...as peeving my pet will most certainly get you bit. I know he looks harmless, but stranger things have happened. In the spirit of full disclosure, here goes.


1. Leaving or entering the room without announcing your movements.
2. Running up the stairs.
3. People who ask questions at the end of meetings/class.
4. Wrestling/Raising your voice/Fighting.
5. Getting anywhere near my my bed while sleeping.

Okay- so some of these pertain to my pet, some of them pertain to me. Actually....some could go both ways. (I needed 5 though, talk to my therapist). If you plan to stop by my house, or climb in my bed, *gasp* consider yourself warned.

What are these people doing?

THEY'RE DANCING!


Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

Some of my favorite tidbits...

1)Tonga, where he gets nailed by a huge wave.
2)When dude cracks up at the kids in the Solomon Islands.
3)Kuwait with the dog running circles around him. I can only imagine what the dog is thinking, "I don't know what this fool is doing, but I'd like to get in on some of that," because dogs can totally think.

Happiness is contagious, indeed. And apparently...so is dancing.

Earth Shattering News!

You may want to make sure your food storage and safety preparedness kits are in order. I believe that this week has brought about one of the lesser known signs of the Apocalypse.

We've been back from Christmas break about a week and I have noticed a change. Small. Almost imperceptible to the untrained eye...but my sophomores...they are almost acting like normal humans. I'm pretty sure the lion and the lamb will be next.

Just a heads up. Repent if necessary. The time is coming soon. It's gotta be.