It all makes sense now

You May Be a Bit Dependent...

You're more than a little preoccupied with being abandoned. You need a lot of support in your life, at all times. It's difficult for you to survive on your own... And you don't reallly think you ever could*.

What Personality Disorder Are You?

Plus, Marilyn and I are both totally hot. They forgot to mention that.

*I do take issue with that part. I think I probably could survive on my own....I just don't particularly want to.

Fire! Fire! Fire!

So basically, the scariest thing imaginable happened to me today.

I caught my hair on fire.

I was in a coworkers office and I leaned over to plug in my laptop...I failed to notice that she had a candle burning. Stupid me, I totally stuck my hair right into the fire. It mostly just started to smolder* and was dripping with hot wax, but still. Freaked me right on out.

And keep in mind, this was mere moments before I was supposed to do a presentation to the faculty on a book that I have not ever read. Good times.


*I now find much more humor in the 'random question' that was asked of me for my profile.

Enough is Enough

This is my plea to the striking writers in Hollywood.

Dear Spoiled Brats,

Enough is enough already. Get back to work. Here's a newsflash....no one makes as much money as they think they deserve. Welcome to reality. Those in my profession have had a hand in the fact that you even learned to write in the first place. Should I be expecting a kick back for that? I just want to know how far this gravy train is-a-rollin'.

I apologize for sounding insensitive, but get back into your BMW's, drive on down to the studio and get me some Pushing Daisies, The Office, Private Practice, Bones, Numbers, anything. ANYTHING. BUT. MORE. REALITY. TV. I don't care who the next Apprentice/Model/Top Chef/Chocolate Bunny Idol Girl or Biggest Loser will be.

Seriously, I live in the Antelope Valley, the land where actual entertainment comes to die. We have very little beyond 40 mph winds, beautiful desert sunsets and prime time television. The very least you could give us is quality evening entertainment.

Norma Raye went back to work....and so should you. Quit screwin' around. I'm getting bored and cranky. More importantly, I am worried that this will drag on long enough to completely squash my supermostfavoritest show Pushing Daisies. If you kill the Daisy, it's over between us. I may never forgive you for killing a relationship that had the promise of being so clever and beautiful. Don't even get me started on the fact that the last few episodes of Scrubs might be lost forever.

Bored Truly,
Ms King

The Year of NO

At the beginning of the year, (calendar year, not school year) I made a decision to stop doing the 9,672 different things that had me feeling like I was being pulled in um-teen different directions. To all new responsibilities....I say NO. It seemed like a pretty simple plan.

Already, The Year of NO, is not off to a very good start. System seems to have fallen apart. I attribute this to a number of things. None of the least of which is that it is selfish in it's inception, but whatever. It appears that I have just been hustled into doing a presentation to the faculty at my school on a book that I HAVE NOT READ.

And did I mention that said presentation is TOMORROW? Yeah- this should be good. Nothing could go wrong with this plan. Flawless. Fool proof. G-R-E-A-T.

Gordon B.

This upsets me way more than Heath.

I am so sad that President Hinckley has died...but at least he's with his wife. He has missed her.

My Grandpa's Done Hard Time

Well he really hasn't, but he was on probation for the majority of my formative years. The reason I bring it up is so that you will have a better understanding of the family that I grew up in. At one point my grandpa may have fashioned a blow torch out of a bbq gas tank and started a fire that burned a good portion of the field around our houses.

Once he heard the fire truck coming, he gave the blow torch to my cousins and me so that we could hide it down the street at my house. The authorities were none too pleased with grandpa's method for weed removal.

I have compiled a short list of things that I have learned growing up a King.

1)You never have to out run a bear, you just have to out run one person.
2)Pleading ignorance is nearly as good as being innocent. (see example above)
3)If ever you find yourself scuba diving with sharks nick your buddy and swim like hell.
4a)There is such a thing as a stupid question
4b)It is my responsibility to point it out
5)Never bring up who your father is at a football game (because your dad, the coach, is likely cursing at the child of the person sitting next to you)
6)The fine art of the sucker punch
7)Card/Board games were meant for cheating

So anytime there is a torrential downpour, I sit back and wait for the comedy. I live in Southern California where weather has a tendency to cripple. School gets cancelled, meetings rescheduled, etc. Basically, life comes to a screeching halt. Flooding, power outages, panic and mayhem in the streets.

I ran out to get lunch on Friday and on my way back to school I spotted two of my favorite students walking down the sidewalk. I am always amazed that people are not more aware of their surroundings as they walk. Especially in the rain.(Perhaps my constant vigilance is a familial trait as well. It's really hard to tell. Seems akin to the chicken-egg quandary) They were just happily ditching school....without a care in the world. Just as I was busy thinking that these boys were royal pains and making a mental note to get them in trouble, a big old truck drove past them, hit the puddle that lined the street, and absolutely doused them with a wall of water. It was probably the high point of my week. I'm a bad person for it, I understand that, but I laughed for the rest of the day. I'm a King, we live for this sort of thing, it's who we are.

Hugs Not Drugs

It's a good thing that the fire alarm was going off inexplicably during 5th period, that way the kids didn't notice my audible gasp when I read that Heath Ledger was found dead in his apartment.

Eventhough I do still hold a bit of a grudge over his talking trash about The Morms, a-la Brokeback Mountain, I still wonder what could have been. We could have been so beautiful. I could have even gotten used to having a step-daughter named Matilda.

There is, however, one thing I don't get. They say that it was either an accidental OD, or suicide and that he was found naked by his housekeeper. I, admittedly, have very little experience with either activity....but are those typically things that one would do whilst naked? I find this all very strange. I feel bad for his little girl.